Songs Explained: Morning

I guess you could call this a late-night stream of reflection.  I don’t really have a plan for this entry, and I’m struggling to decide how honest and divulging I want to be with it.  We will see.

I’ve been writing out chord charts for my upcoming Left release show, and being so immersed in the lyrics / content of the material has forced me to relive the initial inspiration — and all the emotions within.  Night is an interesting time; dangerous in a beautiful way.  I always, without fail, end up solemn at some point during every single night of my life.  It makes me nervous, and it makes sleep elusive, but it also fosters realization and diffuses that within myself which I have tried to escape.  It allows me to be sad; which translates into a passion I hope to own forever.  The person who disallows feeling disallows their own humanity, and the culture that denounces feeling suffocates the “real life” out of existence.  Existence is one thing; real life is another.  My concern lies with real life.

Morning recounts a year of my life that was particularly difficult.  Two years have passed, and it still resonates with me when I hear it or perform it.  It is my responsibility as an artist to be detailed with my listeners; it is my responsibility as a person and as a friend to maintain great respect for those who end up in my work.  I’ll do my best to draw a harmonious line of balance between the two.

Morning (Read lyrics HERE)

Almost every song I write, I write about a person.  Experiences happen, life happens, and I write about it.  I’ve ended up in anthropological study because I love people, and I feel like it’s an instilled part of my character rather than some purely academic pursuit.  This is how it’s always been for me, and it means that a lot of heart goes into this music.  Thus far, most of my songs have asked (and, of course, not answered) the romantic questions that any person having lived through high school is likely to ask.

The question defeatedly asked in Morning is this: What does loving another person entail?  Or, more realistically at the time, WHAT in the HELL does loving another person entail?!  I’m talking about the love that is very much unlike trophy love (and in fact, beats the living shit out of trophy love.  Then hits it again when it tries to get up).  How can I attain that?

When I was writing this song as a senior in high school, I had fallen for a girl at the same time as a close friend, so I had made the decision to stay silent and internalize the situation altogether.  I felt that it was respectful toward him to avoid stirring up the waters (which can be essentially boiled down to “Bros B4 Hoes”), and respectful toward her to keep her outside of that awkward context.  I had “lost before I even fought,” meaning I never took a chance in the first place.  My eventual conclusion was that, regardless of the powerlessness a person has toward romantic standing, one can always tell another what they’re worth.  And that’s where the lyrical transition in Morning took place, after the second stanza and undoubtedly at some midnight hour.  The last line, stacked repeatedly at the song’s end, is the most emotionally raw: “Don’t leave me, but don’t come back either.”  I couldn’t imagine the thought of not having this person in my life, but at the time, it caused a whole slew of problems.

I’m afraid that’s where the personal detail will have to stop — but fear not!  The overarching themes remain.  I ask now: What loss of self is necessary to love? What level of sacrifice is a healthy level?  I’ve written before about the dire importance of self-respect and the love of self — but this is consistently challenged by the notion of loving another.

I know where I want to be: I want to be in a place where I can think of somebody’s needs with such focus and selflessness that it ends up quietly sustaining me.  I want both halves to be fulfilled, but not on purpose.  An emotional mentality in which happiness is founded outside of myself — does that make sense?

For now, there’s Breyer’s Mint Chip ice cream in the freezer, and that requires zero sacrifice whatsoever.

Chip by chocolatey chip,

HWN

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~ by hewhonever on April 3, 2010.

2 Responses to “Songs Explained: Morning”

  1. Whoever she is, she is a lucky girl. Morning is a beautiful song with stunning lyrics. I can feel the heartbreak through the harmonies. I can tell that you are a strong, selfless person, and I wish you and your band the best with everything.

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