Concerning Love and Music

I find that the hours between midnight and 4 AM are the most profound in my life.  In this small city, at this small college, in a tiny practice room on the ground floor, you will usually find me.

I am a curious sort of person.  Loud-voiced and outgoing, quiet and introspective, selfish, selfless… I cover all the character bases every day.  And like anyone else, there are facets about myself that I love and hate.  I find that it is not the qualities themselves that I struggle with, but the timing of them.  Sometimes, I’m not the most tactful guy.  I spend a lot of time staring into the mirror and wondering, asking, trying to straighten my mind out.  The day I stop questioning is a day that will never arrive.

People ask me why my music is so emotional and sad.  All I can say to you is that I haven’t concerned myself with demographics.  I write when I am compelled, and I think everyone knows that sadness is an extremely compelling emotion.  It makes people become bigger or smaller than themselves, and births emotions that are completely new.  I write how I feel, with utter honesty, and I play piano parts that color in those emotional lines.  I’m not sorry that my music is sad; that would be like apologizing for being subject to humanity.  My greatest wish is that those who have had parallel experiences would find the love I have for them within my songs.  Life is really something, and music is a reminder that we need to see each other through it.

The hardest thing for me as a songwriter is the permanence of my art form.  When I fall in love, my talent is channeled into the best music I am capable of.  When that love finds defeat — as it often does — I am left with all the music it inspired.  And in many cases, this lasts for years.  What was once my source of solace and mental escape becomes an emotional haunted house of difficult memories, and I would be lying if I said it’s easy to outrun.  I perform, and for those fleeting minutes, I become the man I was when I wrote that music.  Sometimes it’s beautiful, like a welcome dream that is hard to wake up from.  Other times it ushers in a deep, persistent pain.

I lay awake listening to internet radio most nights, and I consistently hear new music that speaks exclusively to my perspective.  That’s when I realize why I am willing to sit at the bench and break my heart night after night — because I want to give that to you.

HWN

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~ by hewhonever on November 8, 2009.

One Response to “Concerning Love and Music”

  1. Aaron – I’ve seen you drumming with If You Will, and it led me to your solo projects and blog…. beautiful stuff. This post in particular speaks to me for some reason. It just makes sense. God Bless.

    Adam

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